if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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