ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
