anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
