so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
