At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
