I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
