Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
