nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
