i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
