Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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