note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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