lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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