My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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