If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize