can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
