He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize