I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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