i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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