just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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