is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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