How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
