morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
