You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
