Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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