Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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