I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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