Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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