Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
