her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
