R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
