The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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