I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
