I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
