So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
