all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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