Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
