Yo dont text me then not text me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
