How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
