And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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