I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
40s are totally the cure
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
