you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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