On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
