I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
