Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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