I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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