she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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