This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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