I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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