apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
