if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
