I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
