I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
