just tell him i said nine months
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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