How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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