This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
