Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
