bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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