Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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