Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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