I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
