How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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