Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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