The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
