Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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