he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
