I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
