I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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