I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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