i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
