He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
