beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
