He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
