Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
