Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
