Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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