i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
