trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
