He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
