Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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