i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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